Wishing for failure

What kind of person wishes for failure for other people? Me, that's who.

This is my wish. It's seriously my wish. If you want to know why, read my previous post because it will probably explain A LOT. I just wish my sisters would fail at something. I wish they would fail at school, at least once. I want them to fail in life because they seriously don't deserve success with all the BAD karma they've gathered. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I seriously want them to fail just so they have the smallest possibility of getting what they deserve.

They're terrible people and they deserve terrible things. Maybe I will fail because of all this venting and anger I have, but they don't deserve to succeed. For the second oldest sister, I picture her alone for the rest of her life. There is no one in the world who would want to put up with the kind of person she is now. When I think of her, that is what I wish for so badly. I know I am a terrible person for this, but if you went through what I did, being raised in a family with almost no love for each other, you would probably think this too.

As for my third oldest sister, I see her as a prostitute. Seriously. She is absolute trouble. All she does is use people. She stays out ON SCHOOL NIGHTS until 9 or sometimes a little bit later. She hangs out with boys for hours on end. She leaves the house without telling anyone where she is going. I don't see any success for her. It may just be because I hate her and my judgement is clouded/ extreme, but that's seriously what I see. I see her as one of the druggy people who don't do anything with their lives. It may be early in the game of life, but looking forward, I just wish she ends up with some dead end job just so she can maybe learn from it. I just want some retribution for the way she treats her friends and family. It's not fair if she gets to be successful because she's not considerate and kind. She's just a superficial, vain, and absolutely fake person.

As for my other two sisters, they can be successful. I actually hope that the youngest one will become pretty successful. She deserves at least some form of happiness in her future because her present is pretty bleak, almost as bad as mine. I'm extremely scared that once I leave for college and later in life, she'll become a depressed person who kills herself. I'm extremely scared for that because she deserves a lot more than that.

Oh here I go again with the tears. I can't write about this anymore. As soon as the tears start to flow, I have to stop talking about whatever it is i'm talking about because I hate crying. It just makes me more depressed.

Thanks for reading.
Star Count: 9

Family.... I really hate this topic.

This is the wish.

My sisters suck. They really do. They're selfish and rude and just inconsiderate. I wish I could have better sisters. I can honestly say that I don't really love any of them. The closest one that I could even say I absolutely care about is the 2nd youngest. Even if I say that, there are times where I absolutely hate her guts.

This may sound really mean, but my sisters are pure bitches sometimes. Seriously, they are backstabbers and have NO respect for anyone at all.

I would like to start off by saying I have 4 sisters. I know that's a lot, but my parents really wanted a boy. I blame my parents partially for bringing all these children into the world and basically not caring for them. My parents weren't really a parental figure in my life. That job was basically all handed down to my grandma. That is why I love her and probably only her in my entire family.

Now, the one person that made me want this wish is the second oldest sister. I am the oldest. She is a bitch. She is a total bitch, seriously. If you meet her, she seems shy, but as you get to know her your mind changes. She is a complete bully. She bullied me and all my sisters. She's violent and she emotionally abused me, I would say. I have nothing to compare it to, but I feel like it really is emotional abuse.

She isn't this way to only me, but to my other sisters and to her very own cousins and friends. She talks bad about people behind her back. She calls her supposed BEST FRIEND stupid and dumb behind her back. She had made people cry. She is pure evil incarnated. She doesn't give a crap about anybody's feelings.

Another thing that makes her a complete fail at being a human being is that she can't keep secrets. At all. Seriously. She tells my mother about my cousins and their PRIVATE LIVES. What kind of person does that? If my cousin, especially my supposed favorite cousin, confided in me, I would be a decent person and not go to my parents and tell them EVERY SINGLE DETAIL. All she does is hurt people. That's all she can do. She isn't decent. She isn't anything but the devil. This is my opinion of her and seriously, that is messed up. I know it is, but how can I develop any sense of love for such an inhuman person.

You can tell I have some pent up feelings about her can't you? This isn't even the worst of it. I have another post that you can find here about her. *be warned, there is A LOT of swearing which I don't normally do* I seriously hate her. I have so much hate for her that sometimes I just want to plan out her murder or kill myself so I don't have to deal with her (but that's a story for another day).

Ever since she and I got into an actual fist fight, I have been so much better off. That one explosion of anger made me realize what a total slut bag bitch she is and I haven't talked to her since. I am so glad I kicked her out of my life. She will NOT be a part of my wedding. My children will probably not even know that she was my sister. That's how much I want her out of my freaking life. I hate her. I hate her so much and i'm glad that once I am off on my own, I will NEVER have to deal with her abuse again.



Now onward to my other sister. This sister is the 3rd oldest. My honest opinion of her? She's a slut, a complete slut. I hate her guts. All she does is use people. She's a user. She actually said this about her best friend "I only invited her over so she would give me her shorts". That is not what a real person does is it?

Due to her stupid excuse for a personality, she has had NUMEROUS falling outs with her friends and actually, I don't feel bad for her. I actually feel bad for the friends that had to deal with all her shit throughout their friendship. I feel that she will never amount to anything because of what a horrible person she is. I am terribly blunt in my blog posts, but this is a place for venting out what I feel and I am a person filled with hate.

It's sad isn't it? My family. My sisters are abusive, emotionally and physically sometimes. They don't even realize it's wrong. I'm probably the most human out of all my sisters and that's sad because sometimes I feel messed up.

Oh my goodness, I can't do this anymore. I can't write about my family because it makes me a depressed mess. It makes me seriously think about ending my own life because of how miserable it is. I'm sorry, I can't finish this post with what I actually want to write. It's already bad enough, everything I've said. Maybe in the future, I will write more about my family, but all it does is make me cry and feel extremely judged by no one in particular, like it's my fault that I am letting all this happen because I'm the oldest and I should be the one helping to teach them what's right and what's wrong.

Thanks to them and probably my own personality, I have become an extreme push over with pent of anger and feelings of depression and suicide.

I just wish for someone to make it better, anyone at all. I wish for better sisters all the time and it hasn't happened and probably will NEVER happen. That's the sad part. I can never have this wish because they won't EVER change. Sometimes, I think maybe my death would make them change.... and I just can't. I can't. I have to stop writing this post or else I won't be able to sleep tonight.

Just thanks for reading.
Star Count: 8

Be a Slut

I want to have confidence

So, explaining my title now.... I want to have the confidence to dress like a slut and not care what people say. I feel that it's something I've wanted to do for a long time. I want to be able to have the confidence to wear stuff that I wouldn't normally wear. I'm not a revealing person. I don't think I'm attractive enough to pull off that kind of clothing.

Plus, I've gained a lot of weight since I was a freshman. When I was a freshman, I was a size 1 and only 110 pounds. Now, as a senior, I am almost a size 5 and 130. I hate it. I hate it so much, but I haven't done anything about it because I'm lazy. I suppose it is my fault. In fact, I know it is my fault. I just hate exercise.

Anyway, I just want to develop more confidence in my body, the body that I have right now. One day, I will wear my slut clothing and feel proud and beautiful, not fat and ugly.

So I fold my star....

and put it in my jar..... I hope it comes true.

I got a new jar. Bought it from the container store :) I will eventually decorate it and make it a happy looking jar. I just need to get stickers and stuff first. This is lovely. I'm so proud of my accomplishment! (didn't think i would get the jar until never....)

Thanks for reading :)
Star Count: 7